Extreme parenting November 30, 2008
Friday morning I had an hour or two of extreme parenting that were almost perfect in their chaos level so I thought I’d run it down for you. FAIR WARNING: poop is a frequent participant in this story as it is in the daily life of my house.
Truman had gym class so I ran him up there and dropped him off, then headed to the grocery store. My parents and grandmother were coming that afternoon for Thanksgiving dinner, so I needed to stock up for cooking later. I took care of that and then went back to pick Truman up, then home.
I unloaded the groceries, grabbed a quick bite, and then had to run Ella out to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese (aka Charles Queso according to my sister), which of course, is right next door to the gym I was just at 30 minutes prior with Truman. Mary had not been feeling well, so went I got back she hit the sack. I hung with the kiddos for a few minutes and then popped on the tube so I could take care of a few things. Cycled some laundry, emptied the dishwasher, and then started to make the marinade for the flank steak for later.
Of course, by then, Beck was bored. His new thing is to take off all of his clothes and his diaper. In reasonably short order, he’ll usually also try peeing on the carpet somewhere. So, as I said he was getting bored and started stripping down. I was in a cycle for a while of doing one ingredient (balsamic vinegar or something), then going over to redress Beck so he didn’t start peeing on the floor.
After about 15 minutes of this (while slowly losing my mind), Truman decided he was tired and wanted to take a nap. Super idea I thought so I took him and Beck both upstairs. Truman went to his room and I took Beck in to nap. His other new trick is that when left unattended in his room, he will often poop, then take off his diaper, and then get it all over his room. So, before sleep times, we’ve started duck taping around his diaper so he can’t take it off, MacGyver-dad style. Crude but effective.
I taped him down, and got him safely in his room. Back downstairs to finish the marinade. Clock is ticking on Ella’s party – need to pick her up soon too. As I go to put the meat in the marinade I’ve ever so slowly prepared I discover that a significant portion of it is missing. At some point in all this, Piper the dog has snuck in and snagged a half pound of raw steak off the counter and it’s oh so gone. Oh well – rest goes in the marinade and into the fridge.
Suddenly, Truman is screaming for help. Apparently he didn’t go to sleep but has actually been on the potty himself. He managed to over-TP and when he flushed, the waters started to rise and he was freaking. As it turned out it was a near miss. I got him squared away but had to leave the toilet for later fixing.
Clock still ticking on picking up Ella; need to leave very soon. Beck has not gone to sleep and he’s not happy to be in his room. To give Mary some quiet, I decide we’ll give up on the nap and I’ll take him with me to go get Ella. I take him back downstairs and start to get ready to go – collecting Beck’s clothes (he’s already shucked them), socks, shoes, coat, etc. Then he’s in the bathroom saying “need go potty!”. Due to his recent tricks we’ve started potty training him so I’m excited that he’s interested but not happy about the timing.
I grab Beck and discover I can’t get his diaper off due to the duck tape (hey it works). Slight more tugging and I pull it off. It’s then that I realize that Beck was actually saying earlier that he had already gone poop and he actually had a full diaper, which I had just pulled off in haste, making a bit of a mess.
Really really need to leave to pick up Ella. Quickly clean up the bathroom and Beck, clothes on, shoes and socks on, in the car and make it there just a minute late to get Ella. Beck immediately falls asleep. Get Beck out of the car and have to run the gauntlet to get in and out of Charles Queso while proving that the children are all mine of. Finally, I make it back home. Get Beck to bed for real (re-taped) and slow down to hang out with Ella and Truman. Whew.
